This task may not be the most dynamic but Oh My Actual God, I need a make-up make-over. The last time I approached the most glamorous make up counter at the most glamorous store, I left looking like Ziggy Stardust, with top notes of Roxanne [Alex Reid’s alter ego]. All shades of blue, to the eyebrow and out to the hairline.
This was unfortunate as I was going to the Bafta’s that evening and was massively excited at the thought of rubbing exposed, exfoliated shoulders with slebs, and examining how beautiful/tweeked/tiny they are in the flesh.
I blame myself; I’d told the make-up artist I was going to wear a tight blue Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti dress, and deep dark pink Alexander McQueen satin spike heels. I had no idea she’d match the palette so precisely.
I realised then that I should learn how to do this myself. I haven’t had a proper make up lesson since I was nineteen. The artist was perfectly manicured, with perfect, minimal, expertly applied make-up and I’ve been doing what he told me ever since.
After twenty-six years, it’s time for a refresher course. Cometh the hour, cometh Bobbi Brown.
One appointment booked. One appointment fulfilled. A one hour, entirely free of charge make up lesson from the Bobbi Brownites is truly fabulous. For one thing, I now know that having brown eyes does not mean I should wear brown eye shadow.
My teacher is not remotely patronising, explains every step, gives excellent tips (eye liner on the inside of your eyelash rim), loads of encouragement, and no hard-sell. Though I bought everything. I feel I look, at least for this day, like a better version of myself.
Next up in the self-improvement (visual) is a haircut; I want a bed-head Helena Christensen look, I’ve got Russell Brand.
update: Much like Linda Evangelista, even when I’m not working, I’m working on my image. Unlike Linda E, it doesn’t cost $46,000 a month, which is lucky as a) that would really cut into my weekly Tesco budget and b) I’m sooo not ‘worth it’. Instead, at a cost of precisely zero, I have hot footed back to Bobbi Brown for a day-make-up-make-over. Bliss. I bought the contents of the counter, again. I was in good company; Kate Middleton had just been in! My Bobbi Brownite was too discreet to say what she bought, but I’d guess stacks of eye liner. For more budget cutting tips, Linda E, you know who to ask (and I don’t mean George Osbourne).